How many roads must a man walk down?

The saga of my mid-mid-life crisis continues. But that's mostly because its my birthday at the end of the month, and at the not so tender age of 23 I am still not sure what direction my life is going in.

I have spoken before about my love/hate relationship with my job, and of my steady relationship, and how I want to live my life in the best possible way. But here's the rub, I am a FUCKING hypocrite, though I am ashamed to admit it.

The truth is, I don't like my job anymore. My boss is a massive tool, and I mean that in the honest to god American sense, in the course of not even a year working for him I am becoming a neurotic mess. I cant lie, I enjoy the work, but this isn't the type of job I ever saw myself doing, and more often than not I leave work feeling like I am falling down a well, and my chances of escape are limited.

I talk a lot about changing my life, but I keep falling into the same patterns. I change things around for a month, then something happens and it destabilises all the good work I have done. My commitment to going out and seeing friends more, all well and good, but then I forget to return calls, or have to cancel lunches because I want to work through lunch to meet yet another deadline.

My relationship is all that keeps me sane, yet even that is fraught with stress sometimes, and on more than one occasion I have almost snapped and vented my spleen at him, but I will not do that since I know not all my anger is to do with him.

All these endless books and films make the idea of changing for the better sound easy. But my own "coming of age" in my new and impressive adult life, feels so hard.

But still I try to keep the faith. I am not ready to call it quits just yet. I am still looking to chase my dreams, as unlikely as they seem right now. I know that my road is only as difficult as the obstacles I put in front of myself.

Even as I write this, I am thinking of an old dream, that has been bubbling to the surface over the past few months. I am ready to go about chasing it, but I need to plan it carefully, I am not defeated, and I am not done.

I will be 23 on the 28th August. That sounds like a good age to me!!

And for all the bloggers who respond to visual aids, here is a pic of me, looking pretty tired and unkempt, but maybe a little happy even still lol. Much love and happiness to you all, will hopefully get posting more often :) !!!!!