Why?

Why do I see your face standing out in a crowd?
Why do I keep looking at you, and hope you are looking back?
Why does the die of just going over and saying hi, feel more scary than skin cancer?
Why is it that when I do talk to you, I ramble on like some mental patient?
Why am I such a dork?

Why do you smile at me and look into my eyes?
Why does your smile and eye contact make me shiver that has nothing to do with the cold?
Why do I remember every single thing you say, and yet still be amazed you are talking to me at all?
Why did you just buy me a drink, and why did you be sure to ask for a double ?
Why did I not see that coming?
Why do I want to kiss you so much, when we have barely had a conversation?
Why do you keep looking at me as if you want me to kiss you back?
Why do I always have to be the brave one who goes in first?

Why is it that when we kiss my lips tingle and why are your arms so warm when they are around my waist?
Why did I not think of having a breath mint after chowing down on garlic bread before coming out tonight?
Why do you give me a second look as I look around and see the other more attractive guys who tried it on with you, and to whom you said no?
Why are they now looking at me with disgust, and why do I care so much what they think?

Why did I give you my phone number?
Why did you text me so soon after I left with my friends?
Why does seeing a text from you make my heart skip a beat?
Why am I now holding on to my phone for grim death waiting for it to jingle reassuringly to tell me you just text me back?
Why do I get so annoyed when a friend texts me in the middle of this and breaks my train of thought?
Why did I invite you to see that movie that I have already seen..... Twice ?

Why do I seem to fit so well in your arms?
Why do you seem to slide into mine so perfectly?
Why did we bother with the movie, we missed most of it while we were snogging in the back row?
Why did I suggest you coming back to my place?
Why did you say yes?

Why did you want to be my boyfriend, when I sometimes felt unlovable?
Why do I start to put up pictures of us in my room?
Why did we make such a big thing about linking our profiles on Facebook even though we both find it mega dorky?
Why did you tell me you loved me for the first time so quietly that I had to ask you to repeat yourself twice before I understood?
Why did I then say I loved you too, and mean it with my whole heart?

Why did it all go wrong?
Why did we start having fights over nothing?
Why did we stop making the effort to spend our free time together?
Why did you need some time to yourself, and why did I have to be the understanding boyfriend?
Why did I torture myself to find you the perfect valentines present, when I knew deep down You were probably too hassled from work to get me anything?
Why did start caring more about your drama of a life, and why did you stop asking that all important question "how are you"?
Why did it feel like every time we were together, I was walking in egg shells?
Why did you let yourself get so pissed off about every little thing, and so stressed that you seemed to be perpetually miserable?
Why did I still make the effort to include you in my life, when you make no effort at all?
Why did I tell you I was fine with that even when it was actually a little insulted?
Why and when did I apparently loose my own identity to this dual one I made for us both?
Why did it take so long for us to work up the courage to admit it was over, when we both already knew it?

Why do we still care about each other so much?
Why am I sure that we will be amazing friends?
Why do I torture myself, and then try to be happy for you?
Why were you so close but yet so far to being perfect?
Why couldn't I settle and just be happy?
Why even when I am sure it is all for the best, do the edges of my heart feel ragged and hurt?
Why did I go on that ice-cream binge right after we broke up, and how am I going to loose the half stone I just put on?
And one more question that I always ask myself at the end:

Why even after all that has been done and said, do I find myself still being just a little bit in love with you?

These are the questions that have often come up in relationships, and sometimes also their aftermath. As someone who has just gone through a break up, I have also asked a few of these myself, but also as a good friend I have heard people around me ask themselves the same questions? There is nothing that really refers to any one person in particular, but I think these are the kind of questions we all ask ourselves at one time or another.

The truth is that the answer to all of these could very well be the same thing. But what that is I will leave you to decide.