I'll be the first to admit, that while my house has been built, I hav'nt really allowed myself to get excited about it. Call it stoicism of you like, but when it comes to the big things I try not to allow myself to get to attached to them, probably because somewhere in the back of my head I think that someones going to take it away.
I have always dreamed of having a home of my own, of being independent and standing in my own two feet. It's that dream that led me to university, and subsequently to leave home a few years later, all so that I could be alone and live the way I wanted. After all kind of hard to pull a guy and bring them home when the parents sleep just across the hall, especially since most guys I pull end up being screamers ....... !
Today I had a simple chat with the project manager, was nothing major he just wanted me to go through some pictures and decide on the doorknobs I wanted. Nothing major at all really, compared to most of the process rather simple to be frank. But in that moment when I thought about whether I want the front door to be in brass or in black, I received a premonition.
I saw myself coming home from work and opening my own door and locking it behind me. I saw myself going up stairs to my bedroom and changing clothes, and going back down to my kitchen to make a cup of tea. I was in my kitchen again making a pasta bake while listening to some music on my iPhone. I saw myself settling down with a glass of wine watching something stupid on television, chatting
with my housemates (which I don't have yet) about nothing in particular. I even see myself coming home reeking of vodka in a cab after a night out, stumbling to e door, fumbling with keys, and trying to slip in without waking anyone up.
In that moment I allowed myself to feel the excitement I normally denied myself, I could see it so clearly in my mind. And now........ I can't wait.
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